


Not Going Anywhere

by remanth



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Destiel - Freeform, First Kiss, M/M, sam plays matchmaker
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-07
Updated: 2014-02-07
Packaged: 2018-01-11 11:42:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1172655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/remanth/pseuds/remanth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cas gets some advice from Sam how to tell Dean how he feels</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not Going Anywhere

**Author's Note:**

> This was a prompt from ponchoandpinstripes over on dA and it was fun to write. She wanted confused Cas spilling a little too much information to Sam and Sam giving him advice.

Sam rubbed the towel vigorously over his hair as he padded back into the kitchen in the bunker. After the failed ritual to try and find Gadreel, he’d taken a shower and felt astonishingly hungry afterwards. Syphoning out angel grace by syringe really takes it out of you. But when Sam walked into the kitchen, pulling the towel off his head and running his fingers through his hair to comb it, Sam found he wasn’t alone. Castiel was sitting at the table, a half-eaten peanut butter and jelly sandwich in front of him. The angel was staring at the wall quietly, a sad and somewhat lost look on his face.

“Giving the pb and j another try, Cas?” Sam asked, settling down at the table and pulling the jars and bread towards himself. Sam made himself a sandwich while Cas sighed heavily and took another bite of his own sandwich.

“I thought I’d repeat the experiment and see if I can taste it better,” Cas explained, swallowing heavily and grimacing. “But the effect remains the same. I still taste every molecule individually. It’s just not right anymore.”

“You could always try other food,” Sam replied around a mouthful of sandwich. Grape jelly wasn’t his favorite but it wasn’t too bad. He caught a drabble of peanut butter from the edge of his sandwich on his finger and licked it clean. Cas let out another heavy sigh and turned back to staring at the wall. Sam studied the angel, wondering what was going on with him. It seemed like more than just missing peanut butter. “You okay, Cas?”

“Fine,” Cas replied distractedly, shaking his head. He took another bite of his sandwich but dropped it back down onto his plate in disgust. That was probably the last time he’d try food. The taste had been all but ruined and he wanted to treasure the other tastes he remembered from his time as a human. “I was thinking, we need to deal with Metatron, not just Gadreel. Don’t you think Dean could help us?”

“Cas, he decided to go his own way,” Sam replied angrily, losing his appetite at the thought of the almost-argument they’d had. Honestly, the only reason it hadn’t turned into an argument was because they were both tired. “Besides, time apart is probably the best thing right now. What’s with you anyways? This is what, the fourth time you mentioned him?”

“Nothing’s with me,” Cas grumbled, the quotes around the words heavy in his voice. He didn’t meet Sam’s eyes, just glanced at the Winchester out of the corner of his eye. The sandwich lay forgotten in front of Cas as he tried to pretend everything was all right. Which, of course, was a red flag for Sam. The hunter had learned how to read Cas fairly well and there was definitely something wrong.

“Come on, Cas, talk to me,” Sam cajoled, settling back in his chair and letting his own sandwich sit on the table. “I can tell something’s wrong. Is it what happened between you and Metatron? Or knowing Gadreel’s free somewhere out there?”

Cas sighed and ran a hand over his face. Many human mannerisms that had made no sense before had become second nature. He liked the ones that humans seemed to use to stall for time. There was also something surprisingly comforting about some of the mannerisms, a reminder that he was still here despite everything. But none of those musings were answering Sam’s question or helping with the real thing Cas was thinking so hard about. Cas sat forward and rested his elbows on the table, meeting Sam’s eyes earnestly. Maybe Sam would know what to do.

“All of that is a problem, yes, but that’s not what’s bothering me most right now. It’s Dean. You’re right, I have mentioned him quite a bit but the bunker feels empty without him,” Cas said, nodding emphatically at a few words. And once the first few words came out, the floodgates were opened. “We have this profound bond and I know he feels it but it never made much sense to me until I was human. I didn’t realize it was _love_. I mean, I knew I loved Dean as one of my father’s creations and the Righteous Man but I didn’t _feel_ it like humans do. But it was there, the care and regard and affection. When I was human and Dean made me leave the bunker, it hurt so much and I didn’t know why at first. But then I saw him again at that Gas ‘N Sip and everything kinda just fit together. I finally realized what it was I’d been feeling. But then we went our separate ways and I couldn’t come _home_ , I had to stay out on my own. I don’t even know what Dean feels or even how to approach it with him. He talks but he shies away from personal feelings. How do I deal with this Sam? This ache in my chest knowing that nothing is right and I have no idea what to do?”

“Um, well,” Sam replied slowly, completely caught off guard by the torrent of words. Usually Cas was very precise and used the least amount of words possible. This was nothing at all of what he’d expected but it wasn’t surprising. Sam had suspected for a while that there was something on Dean’s end, at least. “Have you tried, you know, just bringing it up?”

“Do you really think Dean is going to respond well to that?” Cas asked dryly, slanting an annoyed look at Sam.

“No, you have a point,” Sam laughed then a mischievous thought flashed across his mind. It would accomplish what Cas wanted and embarrass Dean all at the same time. It’d be perfect and Sam would laugh his ass off. “You don’t have too much practice with the whole talking to people you like thing, huh? Well, if you want my advice, I’d get Dean’s favorite foods gathered together. Burgers, pie, and beer are probably good choices. Set up a dinner, maybe with candles. Have some music playing in the background, music that has meaning. Something romantic, maybe sappy.”

Here Sam had to stop for a moment and disguise his laugh as a cough. Dean’s face at seeing the scene he was painting for Cas would be worth a few pranks from Dean in return. And besides, this might give his brother a little slice of happiness sorely lacking in his life. Cas firmly believed Dean wasn’t poison, just like Sam himself did if he was being honest. But after the violation of his will and his body, Sam wasn’t ready to try and convince Dean. Cas seemed to be willing and able to step into that role.

“And?” Cas prompted when Sam didn’t speak again. “What do I say to him? Though, to be honest, this doesn’t seem like something Dean would enjoy. The food yes. But everything else seems... chick-flicky as Dean would say. Are you sure about this?” 

“You want to get Dean’s attention, right?” Sam asked, struggling to keep the smile off his face. “This will definitely get his attention. After that, you just tell him what you told me. Maybe with a few more breaths in between your sentences. Or, you know, just kiss him. That’s usually unmistakable.”

“Thank you, Sam,” Cas replied after a few moments, eyes narrowing as he thought. “I shall take your advice into consideration.”

“Yeah, you do that,” Sam chuckled, picking up his sandwich and getting up to head to his room. Sleep sounded like a wonderful idea after finishing eating and Sam didn’t want to fall asleep at the kitchen table. He didn’t think he was going to be able to stay up too much longer. Whatever else extracting Gadreel’s grace had done, it had taken a lot out of Sam himself.

\--------------------------------------------------

Cas looked around the room one more time, shifting the plate with the pie on it more towards the center of the table. He’d taken Sam’s advice and, once he knew Dean was coming back to the bunker, had turned Dean’s room into the scene Sam had painted for him. It hadn’t been all that difficult, really, and Cas had been extremely careful not to touch any of Dean’s possessions in the room. Though, he’d studied the photograph near Dean’s bed, the one of Mary. He’d never seen it before though the wear on the edges of the photo clearly showed that it was a photo that Dean had kept with him for a long time. There was even music playing quietly in the background on the stereo Cas had brought in. He’d thought a long time over what music to play, finally deciding to put Led Zeppelin in. Dean’s favorite songs were both Led Zeppelin songs and both were on the CD in the stereo. Footsteps caused Cas’s head to whip around, a curl of worry in his gut.

“Cas, Sammy said you were in here,” Dean’s voice preceded him into the room. “At least you’re listening to good tunes. What’s...”

“Hello Dean,” Cas said quietly as Dean trailed off and looked around the room. A thread of uncertainty joined the worry in his gut as Dean continued to stare in surprise. Ramble On came on the radio, Dean nodding slightly in tune with the song as he recognized the familiar notes. “Is something wrong?”

“Dude, you’ve turned my room into a chick flick,” Dean said, moving towards the table. The enticing scent of apple pie drew him, something that reminded him of the pies his mother used to make. Neither noticed Sam creeping up to the still-open door, peering around the edge of the frame. “What’s going on with all this?”

“I got some advice that I’m now doubting,” Cas said quietly, looking around the room as he reconsidered the wisdom of this plan. “I was hoping this might make it easier. We need to talk.”

“I’ll say,” Dean snorted. He didn’t stop himself from sitting down, though, and cutting himself a slice of pie. He was starving and it smelled heavenly. “Why did you turn my room into a cheesy date movie?”

“You know we have a profound bond, Dean, yes?” Cas asked, settling into the chair across from Dean. The small table and two chairs had been in a storage closet deep inside the bunker and were perfect for the scene Cas had set up. Now, Cas tangled his fingers together uncomfortably and met Dean’s eyes. When the hunter nodded, Cas continued, “Well, it’s more than that. I didn’t know what it was until I became human and could really feel but then it was like I’d been ignoring something since I’d pulled you out of Hell. How I was feeling made sense and then I couldn’t find a way to tell you. I didn’t think you felt the same way after you made me leave. But you showed up at the gas station and you had this smile on your face when you saw me. I saw you leave, the sadness that filled your eyes. And I wondered then why you left me there when it obviously hurt you so much. But now I know what I was feeling, know that I love you. That I loved you since I pulled you out of Hell but after being human, I realized I am in love with you. And I wanted you to know. It felt important for you to know and Sam suggested I set all this up and I knew you’d like the burgers and pie at least.”

“Whoa, whoa, Cas, hold up,” Dean said after choking on a bite of his pie. The torrent of words was shocking to say the least. No less so what they meant, though a small part of Dean screamed for joy that Cas was saying it. But the majority of Dean still wasn’t quite sure he was ready for all this and squashed that little part. “What are you saying man? You _love_ me? I mean, do you know me? I’m messed up and I’m toxic to the people around me. Look at how many people close to me have died. Look at... Kevin.”

“You aren’t toxic, Dean,” Cas argued, shaking his head vehemently. “You’ve saved countless lives. There are people walking around today because you saved them. Yes, the people around you have been hurt but it’s not always your fault. You carry the weight of the world on your shoulders and you don’t need to.”

“And you... you love me?” Dean asked, disbelief clear in his voice. “That’s... that’s just crazy, right? I mean, you’re an angel who doesn’t feel things like humans do. And you love me.”

“Like I said, I didn’t realize exactly what it was until I became human,” Cas replied patiently. “I feel, Dean. I still remember what it was like being human. I’m not the angel I once was. And I think I like it that way.”

“No, no, if you’re in love with me, you need to go,” Dean mumbled, dropping the fork and standing up quickly. The chair slammed to the ground behind him and Sam winced in his hiding place at the doorway. This wasn’t going well and Sam could only hope Cas wouldn’t let this go. “I don’t want you hurt, Cas. I can’t handle losing someone else. I can’t lose you too.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” Cas started to argue but the determined expression on Dean’s face was very familiar. Dean had decided the best course to protect the people he cared about and wasn’t ready to be budged. Then Cas remembered the last bit of advice Sam had given him. It was something he wanted to do anyway, had thought about since his time with April. Cas stalked forward decisively, getting into Dean’s personal space like he used to do. And still did sometimes because he wanted to be close. A little laugh bubbled in Cas’s throat as Dean just looked at him confused. “I promise you that. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Cas, what...” Dean started to say but didn’t have enough time to finish. Cas rested a hand on Dean’s shoulder, over the place where he’d once gripped Dean to pull him out of Hell, and pressed his lips to Dean’s. The kiss was soft at first, somewhat tentative, until Dean made a surprised noise in his throat and grabbed at Cas’s side. Sam, still hidden from the two in the room, decided to make his exit now. Things had gone well enough and he really, really didn’t want to see his brother and friend making out. Besides, he had some thinking to do to come up with oblique references to tease Dean with tomorrow.


End file.
